and get off my damn lawn!

i am officially too old to go to the movies.  which is sad cause it's not like i have some bumpin theater system to come home to.  quite the opposite really--i have a temperamental old dvd/vcr that has made two long distance moves and was already kinda shitty when we bought it.  despite the fact that it's a sony, it has always refused to play sony dvds.  weird.  also, no remote for said dvd player, so no special features and caveman style pausing for bathroom breaks or fast forwarding through commercials (caveman...touch...funny...box...where...shiny...circle...go...pictures...stop...moving).  and our tv is kinda small, and we ain't got no faintsy speakers or nothin.  still, if staying home in the dark ages keeps me from committing homicide, maybe its for the best.

i guess at 18 pretty much everyone is a rude, selfish little douchebag.  i am not exempt; i can distinctly recall being the creamy center of my own cadbury egg at that age, but GODALMIGHTYDAMN!!!  shut.  the fuck.  up!  if you want to chat throughout the whole (tense, intricate) movie, WAIT TIL THE MOTHERFUCKER COMES OUT ON DVD and WATCH IT IN YOUR LIVING ROOM.  i repeat, the movie theater is not your mothergrabbing livingroom!  ugh.  walt says the reason they were talking so loudly is cause the girl was sitting on her boyfriend's lap and they were at an awkward angle to whisper to one another.  but i swear it was like every tense moment, every tricky plot point GABGABGAB, practically at regular talking volume.  and inappropriate laughing!  constantly!

i shot the very unsubtle bitch laser glance back in their direction no fewer than five times, and finally hissed through clenched teeth "jesuschristshutUP!"  then we moved further down the row, to where i could STILL hear them, but i at least didn't have to hear the precise words of their inane conversation, just the occasional pssh pssh pssh HARHAR.  little bastard kids.

incidentally, the movie was "the bourne ultimatum," and by the end i was totally fantasizing about delivering sharp, upward angled blows to their shiny little faces, shoving their respective nose cartilages into their tiny tiny brains.